Pages

Friday, October 12, 2012

A Tension of Wills

Would I be content to live a life that does not at all meet my own expectations if in doing so I follow the will of God for my life?

Whatsmore, would I not only be content, but would I be joyful and fulfilled to live a life which, by my OWN expectations for myself would be mediocre, if in doing so I follow the will of God for my life?

Would I be joyful to live far away from my family?
Would I be joyful to never fall in love?
Would I be joyful to never work in a field where I feel that I am "making a difference"?
Would I be joyful to never speak in different tongues, to interact with different peoples and cultures?
Would I be joyful in living in the suburbs, far away from the urban life?
Would I be joyful in always being severely limited by money (for example, unable to see family for lack of funds)?
Would I be joyful to be far away from the beauty of nature?

I say I want to follow the will of the Lord, but would I really? Would I really, if it conflicted with my own? I live in the tension somewhere between knowing that God created me to be a certain way, with a certain set of passions and gifts which I feel would be going to waste if not used for the Kingdom, and between knowing that if I am to live out what I believe I must be willing to drop my own desires at a whim. God gave me these desires, but I must be willing to act on them within a will greater than my own, the will of God. As I am looking at my future, my desire to "make a difference," to study, to live in Denver because it offers me family, city, nature, and my bike...my desire to feel like I--emphasis on the I--am doing something "worthwhile," I cannot help but wonder what I will do if these "plans" of mine do not pan out, for whatever reason. I have always thought I have felt a relatively strong sense of direction and peace in my life regarding where I should go or what I should do. I feel that now as I am beginning the process of looking at seminary for next year. But if that changes...I cannot help but wonder what I will do. Will I put my actions where my words are and follow the will of God joyfully and obediently, stubborn and sassy little thing that I am? Or will I stumble in my imperfection and resist with my whole being a will that is not my own?

Or, can I become a spiritual being so in love with my Creator that my will and God's will are one in the same?

The beauty lies in the tension.

0 comments:

Post a Comment

The views expressed here at The Quiet City are the views of the blogger and are not necessarily reflective or representative of the views of Cabrini Mission Corps or the Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.